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Como Detener La Palea y Restaurar La Armonia (part 2)

Feb 15, 2021
Most of the time a Fight starts it is NOT unexpected. You know you touched a button that you were NOT supposed to touch and then that button is the it starts in the form of an argument and then it turns into an argument and then the Fight turns to who's yelling the most and who's right.  
Now we have to take him to "Case Closed" to see who is right. It is as if it were a stick of dynamite that contains a fuse and you know that you should NOT light the fuse because it is going to explode, and there are couples who know it and light the fuse anyway.  
  • The hormones of a man are created and designed to fight or take flight. (Fight or Flight)
  • The man is really establishing a safe environment for her to talk when he has already heard too much and then he asks for a time out so he can recover.
  • Many times when the conversation continues and you don't take a little time to slow down; It is as if you took a wallet of gasoline and threw it into the fire and it increases the frustration and anger.
How to Stop the Fight and Restore Harmony

I want to be transparent with you regarding this "newsletter", although I love the topic of: How to Stop the Fight and Restore Harmony is a very sensitive subject. I recommend that you take one of our seminars as soon as possible in order to put into practice what I am going to present here in this newsletter.



If you have not yet read or seen the previous newsletter entitled : "KNOWING THE SYMPTOMS OF A FIGHT"  I recommend that you click on the link below to enter and view this information before viewing this newsletter.               

                 Most of the time a Fight starts it is NOT unexpected. You know you hit a button that you were NOT supposed to hit and then the fuse lights and it starts as an argument and it turns into an argument and then the FIGHT turns to who's yelling the most and who's right. 

                Talking about the problem is sometimes the solution but other times it is more effective when the problem is NOT talked about. That's when we take a "Time-OUT" to avoid the fight.

Sometimes the BEST thing to DO is Say nothing at all and let GOD fight your Battle for you!
As soon as you make a Time-out call, if your partner follows you and continues to ask you questions while you leave the room, you should repeat in a good way ... I need some time to think about it, and then we can talk about it.
  •   Most women do not recognize the importance of Time-Out ...
  •  She doesn't have the brain of a man, how can she know that you are infuriating him and making him aggressive?
  •  It is not your responsibility to protect him. He needs to protect her and also the relationship.
  • Taking a while ... he's protecting her from the warrior within him from reaching Fight or Flight

And "Don't sin by letting anger gain control over you." Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Ephesians 4:26

Principle # 1   A man's hormones are designed to fight or flight.
  •   Many women have no idea what turns their man on or off.
  •   If he does not take responsibility in letting her know that he is already reaching his COMBUSTION point, and you take a Time-OUT, she will get used to his angry response and therefore this may cause her not to express her wants / needs.
Principle # 2      A man is actually making It safe for her to talk by taking a time-out when he has heard too much.
It is more difficult for the woman to take a TIME-OUT; its nature is to speak in stress. They prefer to speak in the moment and solve it but now. For a woman it is as if it is against the law for you to leave the conversation. 
  •  Without a common understanding or acceptance of taking a Time-Out, the woman may be offended and angrier when the man asks for the Time-out.
  • Women do not recognize the importance of taking a Time-Out, because their hormones under stress is very different. For her, talking about it and being listened to and connecting is going to stimulate her oxytokines and minimize her stress levels. Your natural tendency is to talk more in this situation.
  •   But what she doesn't understand is that talking can intensify her spouse's frustration and anger.
  • If he feels that he is being controlled, he will be more angry and defensive.
Principle # 3     Talking more can be like pouring gas on fire of a man's frustration and rage.

Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

Proverbs 17:14

When a woman takes a Time-Out, it is a good opportunity to think things through. Some things you can do are: read the Bible, pray, exercise, walk with your pet, go to the shops, go to church service or mass, work on your hobby, read a positive book, etc. In this way she will gradually explore her emotions, have time to think, and identify her positive needs and feelings.
Principle # 4     Taking a time-out helps a women sort out her thoughts to identify her needs and positive feelings.
A woman should take the time to remember that men think differently from them and she may be misinterpreting their actions or words. This would be a good time to reflect on the ways she can talk about or view the situation and / or the conflict in a more positive light.
Principle # 5      Men will think with men's brain so she could easily be misinterpreting his actions.

Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride. Don't be quick-tempered, for anger is the friend of fools.

                                                                                             Eccl. 7: 8-9

When a man takes a Time-Out, he must do what he needs to do to feel better. For the man, the process is different ... He needs to do activities that produce testosterone that he enjoys. For example, playing ball, basketball, swimming, golf, bowling etc.
  • He must not forget what was said, and reflect on what he may have said.
  • Get into an attitude of resolve and not get worse.
  • He may consider what she needs and how he could have said it in a way to better appreciate her.
Principle # 6        A man's defensiveness softens as he considers how he could approach her in a different manner.
Do not expect your partner to see your point of view if what you are doing is imposing and pushing your thoughts. If you can't hear her point of view, how do you expect her to hear your point of view.
Principle # 7  When you resist your partner, his or her resistance to you will increase.
The Rules to avoid confrontation
The techniques to avoid confrontations are hot and often painful are very easy. The man initiates the TO and then the woman approaches him to establish a Talk-Time. In this case, he protects her from getting hurt by insisting for a OT, and she helps him in their union or encounter by seeking the conversation.
Principle # 8  He calls for a retreat to regroup, and later she approaches him with a white flag to talk.
This report consists of 2 editions, if you have not seen part 1 yet, you can enter by clicking on the following link.
We hope you have a wonderful week. Remember: That in order for this system and technique to work you have to put your part and believe that it can be done. In the moment you carry that conviction, that's your moment your dream can become a reality. Henry FORD once said: "Whether you think you can or you think you can't - you are right".  Have an AWESOME Week. "Blessed"
So make every effort to apply the benefits of these promises to your life. Then your faith will produce a life of moral excellence. A life of moral excellence leads to knowing God better. Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance. and patient endurance leads to godliness.
                                                                    II Peter 1: 5,6

Reference Notes:

1) 10 Great dates to energize your marriage. David and Claudia Arp

2) The 10 commandments of marriage Ed Young

3) Improving relationships by understanding How men and Women Cope Differently with Stress "Why Mars & Venus Collide" John Gray Ph.D

4) NIV Bible New International Version 

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